"She's a Witch!"

My mother is currently in the other room telling every one that I like celebrities so I don't have to deal with real men. Excuse me, the last time she shoved me at a guy, I was used and tossed to the side because I wasn't "marriage material." I was effing 18. Guess he wasn't really ready for too much either since he started dating a 15 year old after that. Yes - I find celebrities sexy. Why not?!? I'm never going to meet them. The closest I've come to meeting one of my celebrity crushes was when Marcus Mumford walked within 3 feet of me in Paris. I guess I don't deal with real men because none of them would ever be the one she would pick for me. No - his picture is just stuck to the fridge screaming: "Hey you failure, since you can't seem to do this yourself: here's a nice guy I'd like you to marry."

I'd prefer to take my chances on meeting Marcus Mumford/Prince Harry/Colin Firth/Johnny Lee Miller on a full moon in Paris next to a fountain and falling in love at first sight.

Anyways, to talk about movies. My friend Kaleigh and I watched The Black Death last night. We haven't seen each other in like a year. Our weird history major selves were so enjoying the terribleness of this movie. I miss my friends who talk to the screen like me :D I so love it. For example: "Where did that guy's shirt go? Why the heck doesn't the old man have a shirt? TESTICLES - omg, there was just a dead body and all I saw was testicles. Ugh, I missed it. 'Take off your clothes' - hahaha...poor monk. Dude, she's a witch! Oh man, she's totally dead. AHHHHHH - she's ALIVE! That guy so creeps me out - ewe, he just bit into that guy's jugular. I so want him to die. I can't wait until he dies. Oh no, they are going to draw and quarter him!!!!! Why does that guy STILL not have a shirt?"

Ok, the movie is about a monk who is in love. He sends his love out to the woods and wants to try to meet up with her later. He goes back to the monastery and prays for a sign. That exact moment, a group of messengers/knights/torturers show up and ask for a guide to the place where his woman awaits him. The knights are on a different mission than they had originally stated: they are chasing down a necromancer in a village that hasn't been hit by the plague. They come to the village, after being attacked by a group of savage forest dwellers (they apparently killed the monks love as all was to be found was her bloody cloak and her horse) and wading through a marshy wetland. The main villager is a woman - she treats their wounds. She's a little crazy and drama ensues. All of the men are tested in their faith - one in a rather shocking way. Then, end of movie.

It wasn't the greatest, it wasn't the worst. The previews up to it were almost more interesting than the movie. There is apparently a movie called "Rubber" that was made by the same movie company - it is about a murdering tire. No joke. I kind of want to watch it.