Metamorphosis

I started a doodle today, just thinking about the transformations that all of us go through.  Every day, every second we are always making decisions that are changing our lives.  Every day we are making choices that will make us better or worse.  Those decisions are up to us to make.  Sometimes, our choices transform us right away and sometimes it takes time.  Like a butterfly, the cocoon isn't going to break open when we think we're ready; it'll happen when it is meant to happen.  "Be patient and trust the journey" has become my new mantra.  Just believe it and you will receive it!

Health: It's such a journey.  And I know there are always going to be highs and lows and in-betweens. It's the same story again as my first round.  I lost a few pounds and have gained them back by the second week.  Well, I'm ignoring the scale and what it says.  I know I haven't been pushing as hard with the workouts with my pulled hamstring, but I know I'm going to my limits.  I also can tell that I'm getting results because my pants to my underwear are beginning to feel loose.
Besides from the physical, my anxiety over getting a career going made me have a tiny panic attack.  My heart started to pound and my tummy got all rumbly.  I was just trying to clean up when this wave of feeling completely inadequate and "am I making the wrong decision" hit me. I just had to stop myself and go take a minute to meditate.  I laid down, put on my meditation eye pillow, and spent 8 minutes doing a body scan meditation (just checking in with the feelings throughout all the different parts of your body).  I was able to pull myself back together, refocus, and continue on with my day.  That anxiety still tries to creep back in; it wasn't a one and done type fix.  It's an every day, every thought decision to change negative self-talk to positive.

Relationships: So you know how I said I was having some forgiveness issues; well this morning I was hit smack in the face with it.  I was reading about what it means to really forgive.  Even though I keep saying that I have forgiven and given a second chance, I've been harboring bitterness, trying to control current behavior, and constantly bringing up the past.  This is what I mean when I'm trying to walk that delicate line between forgiveness and letting myself get walked all over.  There was also a section of the book that broke down forgiveness and reconciliation and the differences between the two.  It's going to be a long road, but I'm ready to start walking that road.  I don't want to be in the prison of un-forgiveness anymore. I don't want it weighing me or my thoughts down anymore.

Career:  Have you ever just got it in your head that you need something and you need it to happen NOW!  That's how I felt this week about jobs.  I'm tired of applying and I found one that I was really hopeful for; however, I called yesterday and they said they were calling candidates that day.  No call.  I held out hope that maybe today I'd hear something.  Still no.  I'm trying to trust God through all of this; he'll direct my paths and He knows exactly what I need and when.  I just have to be patient enough to let life happen.  On my webinar for my awesome coaching job (yes I love it and I wish so much that I could be helping more people all the time), I was reminded that this is a journey.  I just have to keep sharing my journey and helping people.