Work It

Physical: My workouts haven't been very good recently. I'm getting some quick yoga in over my breaks at work, maybe some before bed yoga. Between working 50 hour weeks, working on mortgage and home closing things, my nights and days are busy. I keep telling myself it is going to be so worth it come October and I'm in my own home. 

Relationship: I was recently reminded why it's a good thing to not let someone back into your life. I'm all about believing people having the ability to change by God's miracles. This was like: talk to person, next day, accused of horrible things...not worth it. I've got too many amazing things going on in my life to risk it on one person. 

Career: Work work work work work, hit me with that OT baby.

Spirit: I'm so glad I have my study I work on, a preacher I like to listen to during my commute to work, and my great church and dgroup. I'm also just humbled beyond belief by the blessing this home would be in my life! I can't wait to share it with others!

Forgiveness

Physical: I just finished leg day and I am so exhausted. I didn't get up early and do it. So I cranked it out before bed. That, plus the melatonin, should knock me out. I have to say, I slept really well last night. I did wake up a few times, but only to change positions and fall back asleep. My bed looks so good right now.

I had my physical yesterday. It is good to keep on your health from all angles. Exercising, eating well more often than not, SLEEPING, and having regular checks.  It's always the healthy that you hear dying out of no where.

Relationships: My co-worker asked me if I'd consider Christian Mingle the other day. I heard that Christian Mingle is just a hook-up spot for "Christians." I don't know. I think I need to focus on me and what I need and what God's plan is for me. When I'm on the right path, I know I will get what I need. God won't hide it from me.

Career:  I got given a project to work on this week. It was amazing! Any time not having to be on the phone is some good time.

There have also been talks of home agents. I am hoping for this; it would add so much time to my day, not having to drive.  It also keeps me from having to drive during the winter and scary weather.

Spiritual: I heard an interesting sermon by Pastor Colin Smith with Unlocking the Bible. It's about forgiving people who don't repent. The point he states is that you don't have to forgive if the person doesn't repent. It has really made me think about forgiveness. I have some people in my life that are hard to forgive because they aren't repentant at all. His main point is that non-forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean anger/hate/bitterness. I like at the end, he says, if you even see someone on the horizon of repentant, run to meet them with love and forgiveness (like the father did for the prodigal son). There is a link to the sermon above. Give it a listen and see what you can glean from it. It's called "What God can't Forgive."

PS: My one big issue with it is how he states John the Baptist was preaching of repentance and about Jesus's birth. John the Baptist was only a few months older than Jesus.  We know this because Mary went to visit Elizabeth, John's mom. John the Baptist jumps in the womb when Mary enters (Luke 1:39-45)

Dream Design

Today I spent way too much time designing my dream house on Smart Draw.  Now that I have it done, I love it a lot!  I don't know if it can actually work, but I am hoping it is structurally sound enough to be created into my home! It's bigger than I was thinking.  If it was just me, I'd simply have the garage and first floor.  If I want to adopt or foster later on or even have guests, it is nice to have the loft area.  I am like in love with this design though!  Can I have it already?!?!?

Garage underneath the house with cold storage off to the left.  You can see part of the main level just to get an idea of where it would be located in the house. 

Main Floor

Loft area for guests/kids.  Again, you can see part of the main floor too show where it is in relation to the rest of the house.

Physical: I am getting more physically fit without seeing so much change in my weight/shape.  I haven’t really checked my measurements in a while.  DIET!  I need to do it, not just think about it.

Relationships: Ugh, I still need to set something up for the book club. 

Career: Soon, soon, SOON!  I cannot wait.

Spiritual: I am holding onto His promises.  I don’t want to gain the whole world and not have Jesus.  I’m working on being satisfied in Him instead of my circumstances.

Embrace the Struggle

Ahh! I had this all written and just never ended up posting it last night. I was severely lacking motivation last night.  It took me HOURS to make it to the gym. 

Physical

I have been working out on the regular for about a month now.  I haven’t seen any changes with the scale, but I have had a non-scale victory of noticing my cardio/lung capacity increasing.  I was able to run for 6 minutes straight without taking a break (as of today, Friday, I ran for 15 minutes straight)! EXCITING!  In addition to hitting the gym about 5 days (or more) a week, blending weight lifting, yoga, and cardio, I have been taking the dogs on long bike rides.  The warm weather wave has made it amazing to get out and soak up the sun and blow off the dogs’ cabin fever and mine!  Vitamin D, not from a bottle!  Yay 😊

Relationships

I am working on changing my rather reclusive lifestyle to a little more social.  My dogs keep me pretty tied up.  I love them to death, but my life pretty much revolves around them.  I love cuddling and training and exercising with them.  They just aren’t human companionship.  I am posting on a local website to get a book club started up.  This will do double duty: making me be social sometimes and getting me back to reading on the regular. 

Career

I will be starting my new job SOON!  It is all in the works.  I can’t wait.  Mostly, because I just want the structure of having a job, I’ll be learning new systems, and to be able to pay off my debts!  That is the best part.  And then I can start saving for buying my own home 😊 I have been scoping out some land that is for sale and really decently priced.  Dreams, dreams, and more dreams have been filling my noggin.

Spiritual

I know that struggle brings endurance and character.  I also know that God is faithful; He will bring me through any storms or trials.  I can learn from these hard times and grow in His word and promises.  My God is a big God.  He is an amazing, incomprehensible God. 

Favorite Song(s) of the week:
I've been enjoying my workout/yoga playlist.  Some of my favorite, that help me push through, are Bitch I'm Madonna by Madonna and Yoga by Janelle Monae.  They just get my blood pumping!


Favorite Quote(s) of the week:
May we not turn away from the struggle of the cocoon. - The Truth Project

Me to vet: "Are betas toxic to dogs?  I think my fish jumped out of its tank and I haven't found the body.  I think my dog ate it.  He's pooped a lot this morning already."
Vet: "Not from what I have read, are they toxic to dogs."
Me: Ok.

*Two mornings later, fish swims to the top of the tank!


Favorite thing done this week:
Lots of walks and bike rides in the sun.
Nearly 70 degree weather in mid-February
Teaching lots of yoga

Favorite show/movie of week:
Fear thy Neighbor - very interesting and a little annoying. 

Favorite thing read:
The Donald Trump entry in the Cultural Intellectual Devotional book.
I've also been getting into my "Blind date with a book" book.

Favorite event:
Finding my fish in the tank!  (Seriously, I pulled the conch shell out of the vase and search the sea glass at the bottom and Mara, my fish, was no where to be found).  She just swam right to the top of the tank yesterday morning. 

Most inspired moment:
Feeling strong and fit. 
Raising my face to the sun.
Studying The Truth Project with my DGroup

Thought(s)/Epiphany (ies) of the week:
There may be struggles in this life, but this is simply the changing stage.  We are being made new and changed into something beautiful.


Weirdest dream:
I can't even remember any of my dreams this week. 

Truth Time

Health: I am back up in weight.  160 again on the scale.  It is very disheartening.  This winter has been pretty darn cold and so I haven't been taking the dogs out so much.  I had to buy another headband wrap for my ears last night. That wasn't what I wanted, but it's all they had at the store and I was desperate. The night before my ears were ringing and aching, making it hard to sleep. My hats just seem to let the wind blow right through and into my ears.  Which then leads to me being sick and miserable and not wanting to take the dogs out for walks.  Trinity, when it's really cold, will do her business and book it back to the house.  It's cute, because it's how I feel about the cold.

Relationships: I'm still feeling pretty lonely.  I'm sure once I start my new job, I'll have lots of new friends and faces and I won't feel so lonely.  I probably won't mind alone time once my job comes around.  I am also thinking of starting up a book club again.  I miss it! 

Career:  I had a massive set back this last month.  I was supposed to start my new job on January 23, well now it's pushed back until March 6.  I am ridiculously bummed.  By March I was supposed to be getting health insurance and having my savings getting bolstered.  The hold-up was my background check from France.  It's honestly a piece of paper with a line through it.  Meaning I didn't do anything wrong and they blocked off the free space so nothing could be added in the blank space. The background check company responsible for finding all of my background information, I guess forgot to do the French one.  Until the company I am starting with reminded them.  Then they sent me a link to request my background check from France.  It was 19 days before I was to start training for my new job.  The request says it takes 2-3 weeks to process the request (if the form, in French, was properly filled out).  That was cutting it close!  Then, the French government doesn't email it, fax it, or overnight.  They slow posted from France.  The company gave me a few days extra (the orientation day and safety instruction days were ones I could make up at a later date, while the other training I could not); but alas, it arrived the following Monday.  I am trying not to be upset or want to sue the pants off the background company (at least for the pay for the 6 weeks of full-time work I would have had from January 23 to March 6). Now I have that background check fully submitted to the company, I retook my DOT drug screening on Tuesday, now I just need to start!

Spiritual: I joined a DGroup (discipleship group) in the Fall of 2015.  It was a great idea.  We've gone through several studies: Hebrews, Revelation, Esther, Ezra, and Nehemiah.  We are starting one now, called The Truth Project.  It's a DVD lesson/book discussion study and we've only covered one lesson so far.  I was blown away by some of the things.  I never thought of prayer as walking into God's throne room and Him leaning His ear towards me. (*Mind Blown*).  Another thing that was said that hit me in the feels was: our beliefs will dictate our feelings and actions, it is faith and hope that help us overcome
our feelings (fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, etc.).  If I believe that my Almighty God has me and knows all the plans HE has for my life, then why should I fear or be upset when something like a late background check keeps me from doing what I thought I should be.  There is a plan and a purpose to all.

Sleep Potions and Halloween

Health:  I've been getting up early and getting a workout in.  I usually do 10 Minute Trainer with Tony Horton and then yoga or a run.  The first two mornings I was waking up before my alarm at 4:45am.  Monday I woke up at 3:15!  Yesterday, I slept in a little bit...until 5:45 :/  I came home from work so tired yesterday, I honestly went to bed by 9:30 and I slept in until 5:30 and then did my training with Tony.  It just goes to show how important sleep is to health.  I was so emotionally all over the place (typical for me when I'm tired).  I needed the few extra hours of sleep and I'm going to have to figure out how to get to bed a little earlier and still get stuff done.  5 1/2 hours is not enough for me to run off permenantly.  I can do it for a while, but my health for sure suffers without some good shut eye. He's really not my favorite; in fact he quite annoys me. However, he has inspired me a bit in my yoga practice and how to add weight lifting moves to my yoga. Inspiration is really good even if I think he's the most annoying person ever; and I won't turn away any inspiration.  I just made up my playlist for Halloween Happy Hour yoga tomorrow.  I am so super excited for it.

Relationships: Stagnated on the husband front to wanting him here NOW and just plain not being patient enough to wait on God's timing.  My friendships have also been stagnating because I feel like I'm mostly job and attempting to stay fit.  I need to get out and see my friends more and talk to them more!

Career:  I can't say enough about how much I like the products my two companies put out. Products for healthy, alternative living for humans and animals :)  Now that's something I can really get behind.


Here's my playlist so you can find and jam out too!
Adams Family
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Bad Moon Rising
Bad Things
Black Water
Born Under a Bad Sign
Don't Fear the Reaper
Ghost Busters
Haunted House
Hell Song
I Put a Spell on You
Little Drop of Poison
Little Ghost
Love Potion #9
Martians
Monster Mash
Purple People Eater
The Blob
Time Warp
Twilight Zone
Witchcraft

Believe in You

Health:  Since turning 28, my body is achy all over.  I've spent a lot of time standing on cement this week.  I also had boxes fall on my head twice this week...and I broke my glasses (yay Monday).  Today, I came home and limped my way to the shower.  A fifteen minute shower helped all my tight and achy muscles relax.  I'm so sore.  I managed 15 minutes of yoga before bed last night and the stretching felt SO good. 

Relationships:  Still - hoping and praying my hubby and puppies can be reunited with me soon. I also had some family up to visit this weekend.  It was great to come home from the I Still Do event and see them.  I was really excited to hook them up with Herbsmith and show them the products that we sell.  I am excited about them getting some good stuff for their Friesians.

Career:  Sometimes I question things, but I don't want to give up on myself.  I will keep trying and trying and giving it my best.  I want to help make a difference in the lives of people I know and don't know.  I can't give up on me and my dreams :)

Thirsty Thursday Inspiration

Health:  I can honestly say that I have not been super consistent when it comes to working out or eating healthy.  I confessed that last week.  I've been taking baby steps towards a healthier lifestyle, I just need to keep pressing on in the direction that I want to go; because I'm worth it!  Tomorrow morning I'm waking up early to make some chocolate Shakeology brownies to take into work for my birthday treat.  That still gets me...it's my birthday and I have to bring a treat for you to enjoy?!?  I thought I was the treat and you are all blessed to have my company.  Lol :) I'm sure my sister that my company was a treat when I came dancing into the room this morning and woke her up.    Anyways, I do have a small victory to share.  So even though I was feeling pretty defeated last week, I ran out of pants (that fit) and hit the pants that are patiently waiting for me to fit in them again.  I had one pair of skinny jeans that never fit me, but my mother-in-law left for me.  I figured, what the heck, I'll try them on...they FIT!  Happy dance :) 

 

I tried a new recipe this morning.  I ran out of chocolate shakeology (my friend lent me two scoops so I can make the brownies...she's the best) so I have been using my vanilla.  I added some water, vanilla shakeology, a pinch or so of coconut flake, coconut milk, almond extract and banana - it's my new favorite.

Relationship:  I'm trying to learn patience, but I want everything to happen now so I can have my family beside me.

Career:  I am really enjoying learning about all of our products and different things, like quality control.  I still love my science of swab testing.  I feel so smart and sciency :)  I also feel really blessed to have Beach Body team weekly meetings.  They are so inspiring.  I'm seriously feeling like going out and kicking butt after nearly a whole week of progressively worse things happening and feeling blue. Year 28 is ready to commence :)

Get Back Into Gear!

Wow.  It has been a while again.  Last weekend, I was house sitting out in the country and there was no Internet!  Yikes.  It's ok, I'm a semi-Luddite. You could lock me in a cabin with no computer, cell phone, or Internet, and I'd be fine...as long as I had books and paper to write :) 

Health:  I have been horrible lately.  I have been giving into every craving lately :(  Every day I do so well and then BAM.  I'm down the rabbit trail and then I'm saying:  "I'll start new tomorrow."  And then tomorrow I give in too.  I think I really need to start planning more.  I also need to get into a situation that I can control food around me better.  While I was house sitting, they had dishes of Three Musketeers sitting around and you know I started popping those.  Yesterday, I did so well until I got home from work, super hungry; I looked in the fridge and there was nothing healthy to eat and then I looked over at the pizza sitting on the table - you know it, I went in and had 3 slices.  I'm such an emotional eater too.  And the thing is, I will recognize it as emotion eating and still give in!  My workouts have been about the same too.  I have been trying to get up in the morning and get yoga in before work, but 5am is so freaking early.  I've only managed to get a full hour in before work once.  That was also the first full day we spent rearranging stuff at work.  The last two weeks have been a lot of heavy lifting and moving, so by the time I get home I am exhausted and working out is like the last thing that I want to do.  So this is me being accountable.  I need a kick in the butt and get motivated again.

Relationships:  I miss my husband.  I want him here now.  I also want my dogs here.  I miss them all so much.  I miss my little family!  I just need a house to buy or a place to rent that allows three pits.

Career: I really love the products my new job puts out.  All of our formulas can work for dogs, cats, and even humans.  We human grade herbs and products in the supplements we make for animals.  I don't know about you, but I totally think that my dogs are worth it.  I may even get some microflora plus for me too!  It's better than most human probiotics on the market - it's got probiotics, prebiotics (that feed the probiotics), and digestive enzymes that help your stomach process your food, and herbs for healthy digestion.  You can buy our formulas at many retailers, even online.

Combat the Negativity

I've been seeing quite a bit of negative self-talk in my Facebook news feed lately. We all struggle with those voices that try and say we aren't good enough. If you are struggling today, or not (you tend to know the negative things that get drug up to the surface when you are struggling) take a second to write down a positive that counter-acts the negative.
Here are some of mine:
I am beautiful; inside and out.
I am love and loved....
I am powerful.
I am smart.
I am worthy of all good things.
I am strong enough to face all challenges; trials only make me stronger.
I am kind.
I am brave.
I am calm and serene in all situations.
I will boldly pursue a life of love, learning, growing, exploring, and adventure.

I hope this helps you out a bit. You can fight back against those negative voices. Drown them out with your positive ones

Health:  I had a pretty bad week eating wise.  I went balls-to-the walls crazy. I ate like a crazy person; I ate vanilla sandwich cookies with nutella! I had a bagel for dinner, with meat loaf, and peas.  It was just off the wall.  But today, I've really focused on eating clean again; I rented a book of Paleo recipes to get me focused.  And when a craving for chocolate hit, tonight I made myself a second shake.  Guilt-free superfoods to the rescue!  I've also started a new dance program and I'm loving it!  I get so sweaty and love every second on the program.

Relationships: Still smiling like a silly, love-sick girl.  I love my husband so much and I can't imagine going through this life with anyone else by my side.

Career:  I've had a lot of interviews lately.  And I'm really excited about a lot of them.  I hope I hear from them real soon.  I'm probably going to have to make myself a pros/cons list of all the jobs to help me decide which one I'd love the most.

A Muddy Path Chosen

Health: I'm beginning to realize that I am not my enemy.  I can become my own best friend, confidant, and ally. I need to stop beating myself up and saying horrible things about myself. All I have to do is keep moving forward and being better than I was the day before.  This is all a process. One day at a time.  I can't expect everything to work out in a few hours or even days.  I can change my mindset and go for the things that I want most in this world.

Relationships: I had a really awkward time this last weekend; but I stood up for myself and my
boundaries.  I'm really hoping that this relationship isn't damaged for good, but I will not let someone else think they can berate me into doing what they want me to do.  This is my life, and I will make my own decisions. They may be bad, they may be good; but they will be my own. Like tonight, I thought I'd walk back not on the path, but in the creek.  Looked nice and shallow and refreshing; until I sank up to my knees in mud.  I pulled myself out, walked back to the path, and walked home barefoot and just as happy as if I hadn't stepped in the mud.  You can make your decisions; I will respect that; however, when you start throwing your baggage onto me and adding more negative talk to my brain that is already filled to the brim, you aren't doing anything but pushing me right back down the hole I'm trying to get out of. I love you greatly, but I'm not going back into that hole.   

Career:  I'm still staying hopeful.  I can do this and I will. No one can hold me back but me!

I'll leave you with this ;) Don't ever let anyone hold you back, least of all yourself.

Metamorphosis

I started a doodle today, just thinking about the transformations that all of us go through.  Every day, every second we are always making decisions that are changing our lives.  Every day we are making choices that will make us better or worse.  Those decisions are up to us to make.  Sometimes, our choices transform us right away and sometimes it takes time.  Like a butterfly, the cocoon isn't going to break open when we think we're ready; it'll happen when it is meant to happen.  "Be patient and trust the journey" has become my new mantra.  Just believe it and you will receive it!

Health: It's such a journey.  And I know there are always going to be highs and lows and in-betweens. It's the same story again as my first round.  I lost a few pounds and have gained them back by the second week.  Well, I'm ignoring the scale and what it says.  I know I haven't been pushing as hard with the workouts with my pulled hamstring, but I know I'm going to my limits.  I also can tell that I'm getting results because my pants to my underwear are beginning to feel loose.
Besides from the physical, my anxiety over getting a career going made me have a tiny panic attack.  My heart started to pound and my tummy got all rumbly.  I was just trying to clean up when this wave of feeling completely inadequate and "am I making the wrong decision" hit me. I just had to stop myself and go take a minute to meditate.  I laid down, put on my meditation eye pillow, and spent 8 minutes doing a body scan meditation (just checking in with the feelings throughout all the different parts of your body).  I was able to pull myself back together, refocus, and continue on with my day.  That anxiety still tries to creep back in; it wasn't a one and done type fix.  It's an every day, every thought decision to change negative self-talk to positive.

Relationships: So you know how I said I was having some forgiveness issues; well this morning I was hit smack in the face with it.  I was reading about what it means to really forgive.  Even though I keep saying that I have forgiven and given a second chance, I've been harboring bitterness, trying to control current behavior, and constantly bringing up the past.  This is what I mean when I'm trying to walk that delicate line between forgiveness and letting myself get walked all over.  There was also a section of the book that broke down forgiveness and reconciliation and the differences between the two.  It's going to be a long road, but I'm ready to start walking that road.  I don't want to be in the prison of un-forgiveness anymore. I don't want it weighing me or my thoughts down anymore.

Career:  Have you ever just got it in your head that you need something and you need it to happen NOW!  That's how I felt this week about jobs.  I'm tired of applying and I found one that I was really hopeful for; however, I called yesterday and they said they were calling candidates that day.  No call.  I held out hope that maybe today I'd hear something.  Still no.  I'm trying to trust God through all of this; he'll direct my paths and He knows exactly what I need and when.  I just have to be patient enough to let life happen.  On my webinar for my awesome coaching job (yes I love it and I wish so much that I could be helping more people all the time), I was reminded that this is a journey.  I just have to keep sharing my journey and helping people.

Exponential Power

Wow.  It has been a crazy long time since I last blogged.  I didn't have Internet or a real computer in Puerto Rico.  Did you know, it doesn't allow you to write a blog from an iPhone? I've really missed this; I love writing. I think it is fitting that I start my blog back up with this days post.  These 3 areas of my life have changed drastically in the last several months.

All I can say is: Life is full of potential. It didn't feel that way a few months ago.  In fact, I felt quite the opposite a few months ago.  I was depressed and wanting to hide my head under a pillow any time I wasn't helping take care of my aunt with dementia.  I was jobless, nearly broke (still am), my marriage was on shaky ground, and I felt completely alone in the world.  I was pretty much back to where I was when I first started my journey towards health and wellness (in all areas of my life).  Crying in a ball on my bedroom floor: hopeless and lost. Thank God for God and my family and my husband.

Health: So I moved back in with my parents earlier this year to help take care of my aunt that has developed dementia.  She's young and she can't get aid until there is a firm diagnosis.  So no one in the family really had the time to take care of her like she needed.  I was able to step up and step in. In that time, I became highly sedentary.  I mostly sat around watching tv with her.  That, in addition to my mom's very good and very high fat/highly processed/highly sweet cooking, I put on 20 pounds in a short period of time.  I tried to get more active, but I was still feeling depressed about the my life.  Vicious cycle of feeling blue, eating junk food to feel better, and wanting to sleep all the time only led to my weight gain and feeling more blue.  In 21 days I was able to change that all around.  I started eating clean, portion correct sizes (us Mid-Westerners really like to load up a plate) and working out for just 30 minutes a day.  BAM! I lost about 7.5 pounds and a total of 8 inches.  1.75 inches from my waist.  So excited to keep doing this program and see where it takes me.  Hello elusive 135 I've always thought was impossible, I'm coming for you!

Relationships:  I had a really rocky time in Puerto Rico.  I honestly love the island.  And oh my, I love the food.  I may not name a kid after pasteles, but I sure as heck would name my first born Mofongo (that stuff is addicting).  I even met a ridiculous amount of interesting people.  However, I was no where near the same path as some of these other people.  Most of the people my age were into never letting the party stop (drunk or high, or both) or they wanted to lounge in front of a fan and a tv. I had just spent the better of the last 2 years of my life, trying to make a healthy and active life; not veg out in front of the tv all the time.  My husband was working almost all the time (about 12 hours a day, 6 days a week) and I felt like I never got to see him.  My dog became my best friend!  I literally had conversations with my dog.  I love that doggie with all my heart (now I have 3).  I'm also pretty sure they were a deterrent for crime. 

The town I lived in was less Americanized than the next town over.  The city is beautiful, but I always drew stares.  I didn't really mind, go ahead and stare, but being followed by people in cars or having people shout: "hey white girl, where you come from?" was a little scary.  Sometimes locals were shocked I'd walk alone anywhere.  That didn't make me feel too safe.  My husband and I are still working on some of the issues that came up from me practically turning into a version of "The Bell Jar." There were days, if our oven had had a gas hook up, my head probably would have been in there.  There were far too many endless days of sitting around in the house alone.  I know, I know.  You are probably thinking: "why didn't you get up and go somewhere or do something?"  I almost never had a car to go anywhere, money was tight, and I had almost no one to do things with me.  I could have gone alone, but there's only so far I can walk alone and my safety was also a concern.  I loved going to the beach, but it took about 45 minutes to walk there.  And again, not so fun when you are there all alone.   If I did find someone to hang out with, it was going out to eat and then watching a movie or movies.  My husband was also exhausted from working long days, so vegging out on his day off was his ideal.  Other times, I'd ask people to hang out and they'd never respond back.  I felt trapped and alone.  I was just plain miserable. So not only am I working on building up my relationship with others, I'm working on building up a loving relationship with myself.

Another relationship that has picked back up is my relationship with God.  I went through a very dark time, multiple times.  I keep trying to give over my doubts and worries to God.  I know that He is bigger and that He has a plan for my husband and I.  He's got plans better than I could ever dream up. I'm so grateful to have a Savior that loves me through thick and thin; even when I don't love myself.  And He wraps me up in His arms of Grace and leads me down the path of life.  He's always beside me.

Career:  There is one word that describes this area of my life perfectly and that would be: POTENTIAL.  I've started the amazing journey of being a LifeStyle and Wellness Coach with Beachbody.  I'm so excited to help others realize their fitness goals and achieve a healthy body that will take them through many years of loving and living life to the fullest. I've also been told some of my "art" would look great on fabrics or as a print.  I'm flabbergasted because I wouldn't ever really consider myself an artist. I'm also looking into potential in other areas.  I also applied for a job in a library.  I am hoping that I get called in to do an interview soon!

So while there is lots of work to still be put into all of these areas of my life, I see nothing but potential in my future!  And if you want any help or accountability in changing your life in these areas, let me know!  I'd love to help you along your journey.  We're all in this together.

Alien Probes to the Heart

Health:  Well I certainly haven't kept to my workout regimen quite like I had hoped to accomplish this year.  I have been busy with work and a silly book.  I can't put it down!  I say I'll only read for 15 minutes and an hour and 15 minutes later, I say "Just 15 more."  :) So typical!

Relationships: I am too happy to care about much more.  I had to laugh at my fiancee last night when I asked: "how did you feel when I said 'yes'?" His answer was somewhat like this: "I felt like fireworks and all sorts of magic.  And like some thing came down from the sky and picked me up and then did funny things with me heart."  All I could do was laugh!  "So basically, my answer was like an alien that abducted you and probed you?"  That boy makes me laugh :)

Career: One small step at a time in the direction that I want to go.  I think I am going to write some letters to a few of my favorite travel writers: Sam Brown and Rick Steves!

EVERYONE Knows Best

And I mean it.  EVERYONE...EVERY ONE! knows what is best for you when it comes to your relationship.  Last night, I got told how a husband and family can be wonderful anchor-blessings and to "go live in sin" (chuckle chuckle) for a year because, "what's the rush, do either of you have a terminal illness?" I have heard this and "move to be near him, so you can get to know him more" several times in the last few weeks.  I have no problem waiting.  I think my fiancee is going to be the one I want to marry a year from now.  However, I counter with "what's the slow up?" and "why the wait?"  There are things that are going to happen in our relationship that will test our resolve to stay with one another, whether or not I move down there and spend 3 months to a year at his side or marry him tomorrow.  Hell, I may be the problem starter one day and him the next.  I do have to say, the most interesting thing I have heard so far is: "when you say 'for better or worse,' it is your better and worse, not just his."  It was a way I had never thought about the phrase before, but it makes perfect sense.  While everyone is telling me to "slow down" has me thinking, it also brings perfect clarity to the fact that I still very much want to be married to this man.  What is so wrong with that?  Why do I have to "sit on it" or wait around for a golden ticket to appear one day and tell me "ok, he's the one; life will be an easy breeze with this guy"?   I have only seen my niece a handful of times, but I don't doubt that I love her very very much.  Take it, she's blood and absolutely adorable; however, I haven't had a single conversation with her, nor have I spent an extended period of time in her presence.  Does this make me hasty/rash/foolish for saying that I love her with every fiber of my being and will until the day I die? Yes, my fiancee and I have had BIG fights.  Yes, we have small things we say or do that can get on each other's nerves.  Does it mean that I am stopping loving him because of this? No.  When we get angry or upset, we sit down, usually in each others laps, face-to-face (when possible), and talk it out.  It is much harder over the phone and with 2000 miles in between, but we make it work. I know it won't be easy.  I know there are no guarantees in life either.  I could marry him and we'd live a wonderful, messy, full-of-love life together...or the opposite could happen.  Either of us could die in a car crash tomorrow (especially with the wonderful wintry mix/rain/thunderstorm/snow showers predicted for tomorrow).  Both of us want to only be married once and take the "to death do us part" vow very seriously.  Marriage isn't something casual for us.  I did get told to sit down and write MY ideals for a good spouse and a good life.  I will do this; it is good advice no matter what.  So if this happens to you, don't let it bog you down with resentment and tears and anger.  Most of the people saying it are only concerned for your welfare and your happiness.  You are something they care about and they don't want to see you hurt.  However, take what they say to mind, examine it, and come out with your own truth.  If you make each other want to be better people and that person is your idea of love, then don't doubt it because one,or even many voices have been asking: "what's the hurry?"

Not My Fault

So I am just going to preface this with an: It's not my fault!!

Really, it isn't!  I share my internet with my neighbor and the thingy that projects the signal got loosened from the cable (yes, be in awe at the incredible use of my geeky and oh so technically accurate vocab). I asked her about it the other night - and now, we are back in the game.  So here is what I have written and stored up for you since the internet blackout. So since this is going to be long, I hope I can at least entertain you for a bit.

Wednesday:
Oh yes - I just watched the newest episode of Criminal Minds.  I am also really excited to watch Elementary tomorrow.  I love Johnny Lee Miller.  I think I might even stay up and watch him on Dave Letterman tonight. You know what I really, really love?  I LOVE Dr. Reid's hair.  It changes every season!   Long, short, sort of emo - back and forth. Matthew Gray Gubler is just adorable!  I also love Penelope.  She just makes my day.

I have a little bit of a beef with our medical industry.  Even alternative medicine falls into the same pitfalls as "regular" doctors.  My boss went to a seminar on sports nutrition this last weekend.  It was put on by a vitamin company.  Let's just say, it was more of a long commercial for their products, not actual  nutrition.  As I pointed out to him on Monday, "Shouldn't a nutrition class teach you something about what you should and shouldn't eat for your best athletic performances, not what pills you should pop."  What is our world coming to?  Is our future really just going to be pill popping for all of our nutritional needs?  Personally, I like food.  I'm pretty sure there are other foodies (ones that like healthy, yummy foods) out there that wish more people would learn about food nutrition and not just which combo of pills will get you where you want to go.  It kind of blurs the line between what pills are acceptable to take and not (steroids/growth hormones).

Tonight I got into a lively discussion about all of my world travels because someone asked if I had ever been to England when they saw me wearing my new England shirt.  I miss travel, I miss all the wonderful things living in a different place can bring.  I feel a bit stagnant where I am now.  While I am contemplating what it is I want to do with my life, I do know that I want it to be something I can do from anywhere in the world.  So I can take French lessons and explore museums and quais or hike "a freakin' mountain" (Old Man of Storr) or do something that makes me grow and expands my mind.  I miss it all so much.  The sucky thing is, that lifestyle isn't really conducive for family.  I miss my family so much when I am away.  I'll need to come up with a plan that makes sure they can come with me wherever I go - my entourage. My sister is looking forward to my 25th birthday about as much as I am.  Last night she let slip that she was going to be all alone when I turn 25.  My other friend who was there said, "she's still the same distance away from you in age as she was last year.  Nothing has changed that way."  And my sister responded with, "Yeah, but she'll turn 25 and then leave, and I'll be all alone again."  Great!

Well, my internet seems to be down again.  I seem to breath wrong and it disconnects.  Then it connects for about as long as it takes me to double click...and the it's gone.  Hopefully I'll get this up sometime tonight. *See, I didn't lie*

Thursday:
Today, I got relationship advice from a 10 year old.  After asking my age and my relationship status (both as boyfriend and husband), I was informed that I needed someone.  Both my coworker and I said that I didn't need anyone to make me any better.  I said I was pretty awesome and I like my own company well enough.  That response was met with: "Well, you need to find someone awesome to be awesome with."  I guess that is now my goal: find someone to be awesome with.  Got it,  I'll just pick that person out of a catalogue (thanks Paris) or the next person to walk in the door (hey, it worked for Stephanie in Grease 2!).
I'm a little worried about myself physically for my week in Puerto Rico.  I'm worried about biking and all that yoga, not to mention the paddle boarding and surfing.  I've gotten out of working out every day and right now, I'm more worried about getting rid of this cold in time.  Ick, I feel more like crawling into my bed than onto a yoga mat or the dance floor.

Sunday:
I watched the WEIRDEST movie with my sister after the homecoming game (surprise, our team lost).  The movie was called Damsels in Distress.  The movie is funny and off beat, but not really leaving you wanting to watch it again.  The weird cropping of the movie gave the story a bit of a jerky feel.  It seemed to not have any continuity.  The fashion was very interesting.  I liked a lot of the dresses; however, the neckerchiefs creeped me out.  I like scarves and those little kerchiefs look like a valley girl fashion imitation of an old west bandit.  Just bad.  Anyways, back to the movie.  There are a set of girls that find a new girl in the halls of their campus.  They take her in and she joins their band of weirdness.  They run the suicide prevention center - tap dancing is their favorite form of therapy.  Violet, the main character goes from being the head of the suicide prevention group to needing their help when she heads into a "tail spin."  Coming out of her tail spin by smelling this wonderful soap, she finds comfort in the wackiness of her peers and is further driven to start a dance craze.  It is her biggest goal in life to start a dance craze.  Love, dancing, and good smells are all things that bring depressed people away from the ledge.  I do have to say, I could be one of Violet's band of weirdos.  She has a friend who went to England and came back claiming to be British - she adopted a British accent that she refuses to drop.  If I could pull off a Scottish accent as well as I can a British and Irish one, I'd be ALL over it.  I'd say the movie is definitely worth a watch.  Maybe two if you need a second viewing after spending the first time through scratching your head.


Tonight:
I have a new appreciation for Wuthering Heights.  I never, EVER, liked the book.  I do understand it a little better than I did before.  Thanks Masterpiece Theater and Thomas Hardy.   I see why it is such a classic - it was practically the 50 Shades of Grey of it's time.  Umm, cheating, secret meetings, pining for someone you can't have, greed, pride, drunken debauchery - what more could shake up a rather stiff society.  Especially from a parson's daughter.  Weren't they supposed to not know what any of that was?   I think Thomas Hardy did a really good job of making Heathcliff a great anti-hero.  Holy crap is he good.  At times I hated him, others I wanted to hug him.  Sometimes I just wanted to smack him and say: "both of you just get over your big egos and love each other.  I don't know, maybe telling each other the truth for once might help not make you so miserable."  This rendition of the book was very well done; however, it didn't make me want to read the book again.  Sorry, that book is just too much crap to bother reading again. 

I also finished The Coral Thief today. Daniel Conner, a young medical student has been given some important specimens and a letter of recommendation from his professor.  This takes him from Edinburgh to the thriving intellectual hub of post-Napoleonic Paris.  On the way to Paris, Daniel meets a charming, intelligent, intriguing, and very mysterious woman with a child.  He feels comfortable with her and is persuaded to try and get a few moments of rest on the mail coach.  When he wakes, he finds that his specimens (a piece of coral and a mammoth bone) along with his letter of introduction have been taken by this dark lady.  Upon arrival in Paris, he begins a journey far different from the one he had originally planned.  He goes to the police in Paris to report his stolen goods and pleads illness to explain his absence to the great scientist he is supposed to be assisting in the Jardin des Plantes.  Little did he know that the chance meeting with that woman and her small child in the mail coach would change his life so profoundly.  Daniel finds himself drawn into the lives of the woman and the child; he must help them in their attempt to be free.

I was so excited to read this book based on the description.  Not so excited by the actual book.  Like a movie trailer, all of the interesting parts were in the description.  It had so much potential: love, crime, mystery, Paris, and young men from Edinburgh.  The book just fell flat.  Daniel Conner talked about himself in third person from time to time, which sort of makes since because he's talking about the "Daniel Conner" that was before this great life changing event.  I knew from the description that there would be something between the thief and Daniel, so that wasn't all that surprising.  I'm also a little concerned because he seemed to be aroused by almost any and everything.  Is that really what goes on in a man's mind? I'll just say, don't bother with this predictable and boring book.

T-minus .... how many hours?

Tomorrow - the original man of my dreams gets married...and heck no! I am not waking up at 4am to watch this occur and after I am going to be working from 9-4. Sad thing is - I know it will be on repeat forever and a day.

My romantic relationship(s) - going nowhere. Yup, I have nothing but dream lovers that run off and get married or have perfect girlfriends.

Health: Well, I went to the gym Monday and Tuesday, but Wednesday and this morning - I was too pooped and sore from working to go to the gym. I think I'll drag my but out of bed tomorrow. I can watch part of the wedding while sweating at the gym. I also have such a severe Vitamin D deficiency - to the point where I have to take a prescription strength vitamin to get it back in order. I have to go back in 8 weeks and get tested to see if my levels have gone up. I hope to God so!

Career - well, I have a job! Heck yes!!!!!!!!!! I like my job, but I am going to be excited when this gig ends. Not because I don't enjoy what I am doing, but because I don't know if my shoulders can take to much more of this. My back and shoulders sure make their complaints known. I wonder if it feels the same way at a desk job. There are probably whole other sets of muscles and nerves that get peeved at every job.