Strike One

These Thirsty Thursday's have gotten difficult. When I started, it was a way to keep me accountable to my goals of not being a hermit/recluse, searching for love and meaning, and getting fit. I added the spiritual element recently as my walk with God has grown. It's also great to keep me accountable with my faith so that I can continue to draw close to the very One who grants my each and every breath.

Physical: I've seen a steady gain of weight in my life. I think it is related to stress and stress eating. I'm still not getting enough sleep either. I feel like there are so many things to do and not enough time. I know good sleep is essential to a healthy life and getting fit.

I started back up with My Fitness Pal. I was finally able to sink it with my Fit Bit. Last week, I saw the scale dip from 168 to 163! I account this mainly to my cycle ending. When I hopped on the scale tonight, it was at 166. That's still down from 168!  Last week, I was only tracking my eating and doing my regular walking routine with the dogs. This week I started up with 21 Day Fix Extreme. I've wanted to just skip it, but I've stuck with it. Tomorrow is cardio though, my least favorite day!

I also have my first physical in 4 years scheduled. Things like lack of insurance have kept me from staying with regular check-ups. I think I will need to get my thyroid checked when I go. I've had some weird struggles with working out and gaining weight. I also seem to be tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get. I just want to get back to healthy again.

Relationships: Well, my marriage tanked. Not that I wanted it to. When it was me, sitting alone in the courtroom last December, I cried. When they asked me if I though our marriage was "irrevocably damaged," I said no. I love and care for my ex deeply. He screwed up; he is screwed up. I think a lot of it stems from his inability to express emotions. I think they scare him; especially the big, messy emotions. He copes with poor choices, anger, and pushing people away. I miss him terribly, but I know he needs the work of God in his life.  I know God is the only one that can bring about that miracle change; where He swaps out our old, ugly, hurting, hard heart for a "heart of flesh." That's my heart's prayer, every day.

I have tried going out a few times. It seems it was a strike out though. I asked a guy from work about the situation. I was like, is this one of those, "he's just not that into you" things or do you think he's scared of being a rebound guy. My co-worked was no help. He was like: "could be he's shy, could be he's just not that into you. You may have to make that first move." Well, since I was already the one that worked up the courage to ask this acquaintance out 2 times, I'm thinking I'm over it. After we'd spend time together, he just wouldn't talk to me...for weeks. And we see each other pretty regularly in passing. Oh well. This is not the end. I shall carry on.

I also am back in my beloved book club!!  I love my book club ladies! It is so much fun just to get together once a month to talk books and life. It also turns one of my solitary hobbies into a social one! Win-Win.

Career:  I'm working towards my dreams. I already have an idea for a B&B called "The Pineapple House." I am in love with this idea already. Dreams are dreams, but I need to start really laying out some goals to start moving towards this goal. I also want to go back to school for counseling. I get so bogged down between work, dogs, commute, working out! I need to just do it one of these days. Sign up and go for it!

Spiritual: God is amazingly gracious. I know I screw up everyday. And like most people, I struggle with my ego and pride. I am so grateful that each day is knew and that God is guiding me along the path to sanctification! I'm in a new D-Group. We know call them "huddle groups" because they are much smaller in size. I enjoy my small group of girls. We've all seen some big challenges in life, so we can bolster each other through the tough times. Praise God for bringing these strong ladies into my life. We are starting a new study soon and I am very eager to see what nuggets of wisdom God has tucked away in the study for us.

Well, it's almost my bed time and I need to get to bed so I can get as close to 7 hours of sleep as I possibly can! Gotta wake up and get that cardio done ✓!

Curse It

I’ve been dealing with some anger lately; lots and lots, overwhelming amounts at times.  I’ve been taking out my aggression on weights and the punching bag at the gym.  It’s too bad they don’t have gloves, because I feel like I’m going to break a knuckle open one of these times.  I am trying not to turn my anger on God.  I want to cry out.  Sometimes I feel more like Job’s wife saying: curse God and die already.   I am holding on to His promises, God is good and no matter what happens here on this earth, I know there is redemption for me on the other side in God’s arms.

Job 2:9-10

⁹ Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” ¹⁰ But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”^[a] In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

I pray that I may be more like Job.  Willing to accept both good times and trials from my heavenly Father.  I also pray that God gives me the strength of character to forgive those that have wronged me and humility to ask forgiveness when I have wronged others.

Juggling Act

Lately, I have felt like my life has been a juggling act.  One performed by a very poor juggler.  I seem to find a rhythm and think things are going well and then BAM! All the balls come crashing down on my face.  I was supposed to start a new job last Monday, but the background check company didn't submit my French background check until to late; it arrived this Monday.  BAM.  My finances are a mess. BAM.  It always seems to be one thing after another with the dogs needing to see the vet. BAM.  Workout multiple times a week, yet gain 10 more pounds. BAM. I'm trying my best, but it never seems to be good enough.  I keep waking up every morning, just putting one foot in front of the other.  I know someday it will all make sense and get better.  Heck, I want to go back to school to be a life coach and counselor , so I guess I better know what it's like to be kicked down by life.  Even if the rest of my life is like this, I am secure in the promise that what is coming next is way better than this life.  God's got a plan, I just need to trust.  I will praise him for my trials and my successes.  All of them are making me a better person.
These pities are keeping me going and give me a good reason to keep waking up.  They give me a reason to smile and laugh every day.  I love them so much!

 

He Named Me Malala

Today, I watched the movie He Named Me Malala, while cozied on the couch with my doggies.  This movie is basically a companion to her book I am Malala.  The book is amazing, by the way.  She talks about her life before and after the Taliban entered the region in which she lived, and the changes it brought in her valley, as well as in her life.  She had to stand up for herself and the rights of the people around her.  Her whole family is amazing;  I like that they say it is better to die (free) speaking the truth than live a lie (as a slave).  She is such an eloquent speaker and she motivates me to want to have an impact with my life.  What really struck me about her was she talked about how she didn't feel hate for those who hurt her and she shied away from speaking about the suffering she has experienced.  Her father said it well: it wasn't a person who shot Malala, it was an ideology. I think this sentiment is greatly needed right now, with all the racial and religion tension right now causing violence.  It's hate filled ideology that is causing these actions.  Shine a light of truth on the matter and these ideologies begin to fade.  God made each and every one of us and he has plans laid before our feet.

 

Malala is so young and doing so much for girls' education all over the world. I am proud of Malala and wish there were more like her influencing the world.  Less superficial culture and more real compassion and action with this short life we have on this planet.  I wish we focused less on possessions and objects and more on helping the people around us. God is so good to us and we have the chance to share His love and goodness with all.  He is risen.  Amen and Happy Resurrection Sunday.