Is it November 1st yet?

I have one 10 hour day under my belt. My Thirsty Thursdays for the next month will probably all consist of sleeping so that I can face another long day. Getting closer to the closing date and closer to November 1st. As the summer comes to a close, my coworkers and I start to banter about how we can't wait until November 1st. I can't wait until Oct 1st! So many exciting things happening. And right now, sleep is one of them!

Wake Me Up, When September Ends

Lol. I realize now that I wrote thinking yesterday was Wednesday. Ugh. It isn't the first time, it won't be the last. This next month is going to be a blur! It will be so worth it though. I'm going to bed here, shortly, and I'm going to try to do 2 10 hour days Thursday and Friday and try to get 5 hours in Saturday afternoon. Here's to hoping I can stay sane through it. I can't wait to close on this house! I'm also really excited for October (yay birthday) and November 1st (end of our busy season). Well, dulce sueños!

Toxicity

Some people should come with toxicity labels. Life would be so much easier if people did. I know we'd all be toxic, because we're all sinful and have fallen short of the glory of God, but there are those selfish people who will take from you and blame you when there is nothing left in you to take. Oh, the pain I could have been spared and the years I wouldn't have wasted.
I had someone come back in my life, declaring peace. The very next morning I'm being accused of screen shots of sending photos of other people to random people I don't know. It was like the time the person had told me they sent me a card by mail and I should have it the next day; but I didn't do what they wanted me to do 5 minutes later (it was close to midnight on a Saturday) and all the sudden they'd gotten the card back from the post office. Laughable. The stories don't line up. And that person got sick of me calling them on it.

These accusations got passed through a second person. I asked to see the screen shots of what I'm sending, so that if someone has hacked an account or created a false one with my information, I can take steps to protect myself. I then got called a selfish person for wanting that information. Even though that person also saw how there was no way I could know the person I had apparently sent the pictures too. It also didn't make sense how the person accusing me through this second person could have gotten screen shots from this other person, as the original/actual accuser isn't supposed to have contact with that person. *CONVOLUTED B.S.*  Did I suddenly revert to middle school? "He said, she said, that if he asked, she like, wouldn't mind and maybe if he likes her, she might like him. So you go tell him that."

I do not want to be a part of your drama! I am working on making my life better. And this person has recently found out that my life was taking an up turn. And bam, guess who turned up. After getting  all these accusations, I wrote a message back stating: "You stated you came in peace and you snuck in like the enemy. The only thing in life I've been stupid about is trusting you. No more. I'm closing the door on you." It felt so good and free-ing. I also deleted the person who passed along the accusation. If you're going to accuse someone and say there is proof you have, don't deny showing that proof. Or how about you don't be a pawn in the ridiculous game.

It's actually disgusting how many women I know are in/were in toxic relationships. Someone getting upset and freaking out on you because you said how you felt; it's not right. You should not have to walk on egg shells around your partner all the time. I'm not saying, you shouldn't be considerate of their feelings, but you shouldn't be worried about having all your things thrown out the front door and told you're pathetic and useless because the wind caught the door and it slammed shut.

I don't know, but maybe this is what healing feels like; to finally say, I may love you, but it isn't worth destroying my life or peace for you to never have peace or happiness. If you have a toxic person in your life, it is hard to loosen their grip on your life, especially if it's been years; but please, seek help. Contact me, I'll help you get help. Living hurting, afraid, or anxious because of someone else is no way to live your life.

If this image speaks to you at all, then it's time to start cutting ties to the person that makes you feel this way. I used to pass this every month on my way home from paying our utility bills. I felt a clench in my gut because I knew this was exactly how I felt; but I loved the person so much. I didn't want to let go. I kept thinking things could get better. They never did. One day, the stream of hate from the person was so intense I actually started dry heaving. Their response: oh, you're going to try to fake puke to try to make me feel a little worse about myself; well I won't.

One day at a Time

I am literally so tired tonight. I am exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can do these 50 hour weeks. I guess I just need to take one day at a time. I was able to finish my home buyer course today. Next step is filling out all the mortgage paperwork. Yikes. I'm so nervous about that. There are so many steps to this; but I have to take it just like my 50 hour work weeks, one step at a time.

When I Get My Hands on You

The show that I want to see is my dreams. I've had so much drama recently. This is just something I'd like to remind you of...


We will all have to stand before the Judge of this world some day.

Also, why has this song been missing from my life?

Work It

Physical: My workouts haven't been very good recently. I'm getting some quick yoga in over my breaks at work, maybe some before bed yoga. Between working 50 hour weeks, working on mortgage and home closing things, my nights and days are busy. I keep telling myself it is going to be so worth it come October and I'm in my own home. 

Relationship: I was recently reminded why it's a good thing to not let someone back into your life. I'm all about believing people having the ability to change by God's miracles. This was like: talk to person, next day, accused of horrible things...not worth it. I've got too many amazing things going on in my life to risk it on one person. 

Career: Work work work work work, hit me with that OT baby.

Spirit: I'm so glad I have my study I work on, a preacher I like to listen to during my commute to work, and my great church and dgroup. I'm also just humbled beyond belief by the blessing this home would be in my life! I can't wait to share it with others!

Puerto Rico Rises

So I did a slightly crazy thing a few weeks ago. It was something on my mind and my heart for a while, but I was always slightly worried about what would people think of me saying this. I finally got over it and created a fund raiser for Puerto Rico.

Almost a year after Maria, Puerto Rico is still struggling. The debt crisis and the storm have forced many people to leave their homes. The main issue with damaged infrastructure, is you need money to repair it. Puerto Rico's debts being called to account leave it little to no money to put into repairing and rebuilding damaged roads, bridges, and buildings.

The island is full of amazing people with big hearts. If they can pull together to help each other recover after the storm, I think the whole country (maybe even the world) can join together to lift Puerto Rico from debt. Where the government won't help, we the people need to step up and take action.

I know the figures are astronomical, but lots of small actions by many can add up quickly. Think about donating that jar of spare change, a fiver, 10% of one paycheck; any amount can help alleviate what Puerto Rico owes. You can donate here and I will forward the funds on, or you can donate directly to the government. You must specify it as a debt payoff. I know it seems weird to attempt to payoff government's debt, but it is possible. Take a look at this article, it explains how it works.

Lastly, I suppose you want to know why I want to pay off Puerto Rican debts. I'm just a girl who visited the island and fell in love; with the culture, people, and island itself.

If you'd like to help too, you can donate here.

Home Buyer Course

I'm going to make this short since I'm exhausted. I'm going to be working 50 hour weeks through the end of September! It will be so worth it get handed the keys to my new home!  Which is part of the reason I'm up so late. I was working through Topic 1 of my Home buyer course. It's called Home Ready. If I take this course, I can qualify for a lower PMI (mortgage insurance). I was recommended it by the bank that pre-approved me for a loan. There is a cost of $75 but they stated they'd reimburse me for taking it once it was completed. Only like 8 more topics to go!

This first topic was all about Credit Scores and budgeting. Things I've had an eye on since 2009. Mom sat me down and made sure I knew how to manage a budget and could afford my expenses. I think she didn't want to have any of her kids land in any avoidable messes. I wish everyone knew about budgeting. It would be so nice not to explain to people that the majority of people get paid every other week and you have to plan for your bills.

It's been informative so far, but I've had all the basics on this first topic. I'm hoping to learn more and feel a little less scared/excited about home ownership. I know God wouldn't lead me down this path unless it was right. I trust the God has my back...and so does my family.

The Heir and The Crown

I've been listening to The Selection series by Kiera Cass. I've been enjoying the series. I had to go to books 4 and 5 as I am still on the waiting list for book 2! It's a cutesy YA novel series.

The daughter, and heir, of the original selection (books 1-3) is now in her own selection process. She's narrowing down a group of 35 suitors to a husband. At the same time, her country is experiencing unrest. She's trying to handle both the selection and keeping her country from falling apart. Talk about stress. 

The Selection

Favorite Song(s) of the week:

 ↑ Marcus is my favorite. His voice is like a balm to my soul.

Favorite Quote(s) of the week:
"Welcome to the real adulting."
"Did you even sleep last night?"
All of the congratulations from my friends.

Favorite thing done this week:
Getting pre-approved for a loan and a house offer approved

Favorite show/movie of week:
Adulting

Favorite thing read:
The Selection by Kiera Cass

Favorite event:
House visits

Most inspired moment:
Putting in an offer on a house.

Thought(s)/Epiphany (ies) of the week:
If roles were reversed, everyone would be encouraging me to go after what I wanted; but since I'm the girl, I'm told to leave what wasn't already given to me. Why can't I fight for what I want.
I need to work more overtime while I can!

Weirdest dream:
I got a house; someone was crazy enough to give me adult responsibilities. Oh wait, yeah, that really happened. 

Adulting

I have done so much adulting today. Loans, home visits, home offers. OMG! It's so confusing. And I feel little fluttery panics starting in my chest just thinking about it. I could have an accepted offer on a house within the next 2 days. Holy Guacamole! Am I ready for adulting? I don't know. It's all so exciting and terrifying all at once. All other areas of my life are temporarily side-stepping as I look into this first step of being a grown up all on my own. I mean, I've rented before and lived separate from my family before, but this is my first purchase! It's BIG news. Deep Breaths.
Whatever happens, I know that God has His plans for me. He's got my back no matter what I face. I also have an amazing family and parents that have walked with me every step of this process. I'm a pretty lucky gal.

#Blessed

As I sit here, petting Toby, and listening to an audio book; I'm just feeling so blessed. I've been thinking recently about something my ex told me: "Having your life destroyed gives you a blank slate to start over." I've been thinking about it since I listened to a book where the wife got cheated on; her mom tells her, you have the ability to start from scratch again. I know I've been clinging to the pieces of what I had so tightly that all I do is cut myself with the tiny shards. It's a scary, big decision with how you want to rebuild your life. I don't know what to do since my imagination has always been active, it seems like I have a new construct every other day. As yoga teaches me, several small choices make up a large choice. I'm going to be working on focusing on how to rebuild myself into the woman that God and I want me to be. And that makes me blessed.

Home Buying

So I am in the processes of trying to buy a home. It is interesting, exciting, and also so confusing!! Something looks so cute and perfect from the outside, but the hidden back corner of the house has a guy wire that is holding the house up. The house I saw on Monday was leaning so badly, it has a cable anchoring it to the ground. It totally depressed me because I loved everything else about the house.

It was similar to a house I looked at back in March. It was a perfect size for me, in the country with a giant yard; however, the house was like 10ft from the county highway and it was a complete gut and redo job. The garage was also falling over. Another house I looked at that same day was far too big for me with very little yard.

I have another house showing scheduled for this Thursday. I'm hopeful for this house too. It's got it's pros and cons. It's on a busy street, both car and pedestrian traffic. This is not good when you have a deaf dog that is petrified of other dogs. If I get this place, I may have to drive us to the current place I typically walk him. Pros are: a garage, 2 rooms, large yard, and it doesn't have a cable holding it upright!

Some advise on home searching.
1. Take people you really trust with you.
2. Take someone who knows something about houses/construction
3. Don't get your hopes up too much about any one property. You get your hopes dashed when you find out the house you were already calling "my house" is held up by a string.
4. Be willing to compromise on things.

Legend-wait-for-it-dairy

So I read Legendary by Stephanie Garber. I read it so fast. I didn't want to put it down. It left so many questions. And I can't wait to get my hands on the next book. There were so many twists and what ifs! Was it all real or was it a set-up? Who really is Legend?


The second book is a second installment of Caravel that was set up for the queen's birthday. The Fates have started to come free. They want Legend and Legend wants them. Tella is set on a mission from the Prince of Hearts to find the true name of Legend. She is torn between keeping her word to the Prince of Hearts in exchange for information on her mother who disappeared when she was young and winning the heart of Dante. Dante, he's the dark, brooding, bad boy from Caravel.

I can't say enough good things about the book; just go read it.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I haven't had a spare moment for tv or movies this week. I think I honestly watched about 20 minutes of a Caribbean Life episode on HGTV before I became jealous and needed to leave to be productive.

I did watch a "show" of sorts this Friday. I went to a Mallards Baseball game. It was an event. I had been up since 5:30am, so I was tired, but the company was good and the game was close. The Mallards were leading at the beginning and half-way through, the other team started to get run after run. The game itself was very interesting. They also had little games between each inning; but my favorite part (aside from the company) was Colt, the bat dog. He was so adorable, running out and grabbing the bats. He scared the umpire almost every single time.

Pineapple Living

Physical: Working on the 30 days of yoga. I've been stealing away on my breaks to a meeting room and working through some Sun Salutations. I've been so busy this week, literally, every night this week had something going on and I've got a baseball game tomorrow night too! I haven't been walking as much as normal this week, and my workout aren't as intense as the 21 Day Fix ones, and so my calorie intake is off this week. It's still under what I'm burning for the day, but not as high of a deficit as I'd like. I'm not going to stress about it though.

Relationships: I am so blessed with amazing friends! I don't have a large group or people that I'm just always with in every spare moment. But we get together regularly to enjoy each other's company. I got to meet up with Meep and her hubby at State Fair, D-Group 2x this week, book club, and a baseball game tomorrow with one of my bffs from high school.

Career: I need to pull the trigger on schooling here soon. I am scared to death of failure. I am scared to death I won't have the time. I barely feel like I have the time for life as it is right now. God will provide the way.

Spiritual: This week I've been smacked upside the head with several sermons. The one from my home church, titled, Drink Deeply, was a message that my heart needed to hear this last weekend. Jesus himself drank from the bitter cup that ruined his life and caused it's demise. He faced that because it was the Father's will and His purpose. Exodus 15:22-27 references the bitter water that the Israelites found in the desert. God was the way to change those bitter waters into sweet water. Amen that He does that for us when we look to Him for our satisfaction and source of living water.

Unlocking the Bible this week has been just a wealth of conviction and joy. Monday started with "The Heart Wants What it Wants" and was followed by "Children of Wrath." I am prone to falling into thoughts of, I'm not that bad of a person. I've not done anything really wrong in my life; I'm a rule follower...most of the time. :) The list of sins that the heart is prone to smacked me right in the face as I went, "ugh, oh, yeah, I've got that one..umm, ok, I'm a horrible person." But the amazing thing is,  I have Jesus pulling for me and the Holy Spirit working on sanctifying me.

I went to our large group bible study tonight and we made painted signs. Of course, I made a pineapple. I wrote "Be Fruity" and wrote the reference to the fruits of the spirit. The fruits of the spirit are exact opposites to the list of sinful desires of the heart. I crave pineapple about as much as my soul longs to be better. So the sign will be a good reminder.

30 Days of Yoga

I am on day 3 of 30 Days of Yoga. I haven't really felt any changes in my body, but I can feel my body begin to meld back into the poses; like "ah, welcome home old friend, it's been a while." I really love yoga and the way it is both graceful and challenging. For me, the main challenge comes from within, my inner voice that says no. One of my favorite yoga shirts says: "Nothing stands in my way, but me." My mom hates the shirt, but that's because it once was a white shirt and now it is not so white any more.

The first night, I was very excited the my brother joined me for "Ripped: Yoga with Weights." His comment was, "this is like, actually hard." I asked him if he'd ever do yoga with me again, he said "maybe." That is huge coming from someone that has always said yoga was too easy for him to try. Day 2, I did bedtime yoga and restorative poses are always so amazing! I was zenned out and ready for bed! Today, I've managed to piece together a practice: A warm up and Sun As on break one, Sun B on break 2, after work and before book club, I got in the rest of my Sun Salutations. I'm going to do a few more poses before bed.

I think more importantly, than the physical, is the emotional transformation I'm hoping to have. I've heard a couple good sermons and I started a new Bible study this week. I want to fall in love, and who better to fall in love with than my Savior.  One of the quotes for the study, Finding I Am, really stood out to me today: "Those answers and the easing of that ache aren't the source of finally becoming fully satisfied. They aren't. And you believing this lie is a scheme of Satan to keep you in an unsatisfied place. I've been in an unsatisfied place for a long time now. I'm ready to turn to my Savior, Jesus, to fully satisfy.

Strawberry Scones Forever

I had some strawberries and I wanted to bake. So I "pinned." I found a recipe for Strawberry Scones (recipe in the link). They were pretty simple to make. I usually find that the "total times" for recipe from prep to finish is always longer when I do it. This didn't take me long at all. I also didn't get as many scones out of it. Maybe I didn't cut mine small enough, but I had 8 large scones. They turned out delicious.

One of the guys I live with was leaving for New York City on Sunday, so I had made them as a kind of "Bon Voyage" treat. He'd never had one before; he took one bite and was like, can I take another for the road. I also got told by another guy I live with, "You couldn't have made those, they look like they came from a store." I can't decide if that is a compliment or an insult that he'd think my baking not store quality. When he tasted them, he thought they were divine. I already have a request for more. I have a ton of strawberries and blueberries that I'll have to put to good use.

I did have to change one thing about the recipe. I only used 1 cup of powdered sugar with the glaze, not 3 cups! I still used the same amount of wet ingredients though. They still tasted sweet without the added sugar.

Broken Brooklyn

I recently listened to Brooklyn by Colm Tóibín. It's a novel that takes place shortly after the end of WWII. Eilis and her sister live at home with their mom in Ireland. She is unemployed, but hopeful to get office work. She is somewhat ambushed with a job offer in America. Her mother and sister are very insistent that she take this opportunity. A Father from Brooklyn, played golf with her sister and bam, moving to Brooklyn. She sets off to America, does her work, distracts herself with night school, and gets a boyfriend. She ends up going back to Ireland after a family emergency. Her boyfriend begs her to come back, the get married quick before she leaves. When she's back in Ireland, she gets lost in her life back home, trying to figure out what life would be like if she stayed.

*SPOILER ALERT*
I am genuinely disgusted with how this book ends. I'm actually surprised by how many books I pick up that had adultery in it. I guess life will keep bringing up what you try to avoid or shut the door on, until you face it. The last portion of the book just annoyed me. I bristled. It was like she tried piecing her life together back in Ireland. It seemed like her biggest issue was how to get a divorce in 50s Ireland and also that spiteful old lady knowing she was already married. Then on the boat ride home, she was like. I'll read all my husband's letters on the ride home so it won't seem like I left them unread while I ran around with another guy; pretty much just trying to sweep it under the rug and pretend that it didn't happen.

I guess we all have our sins that we don't know exactly why we do it, we just do it. Then we're left afterward thinking what possessed us to do such a thing. Maybe that's what she felt. It didn't seem like she had much guilt over her cheating. I don't know if the author wanted it that way. Overall, I was really interested in the book.

Books Rule and Movies Drool

I have not watched anything again. I think I may have to change Sunday Cinema to something else. It was easier to have movie reviews when book club met every two weeks; once for book and once for a movie. My life is now mostly ruled by dog walks and audio books. I listen, mostly, when driving home from work. While walking, I like to be present in the world and sounds around me. I also try to spend that time talking to God, but I get easily distracted. I like that I can also accomplish things while listening (however, I did go through a stage where I watched How I Met Your Mother while doing just about everything; a frame holder was great for propping up my tablet and watching while I did dishes).
So the long and the short of it is: I didn't watch a movie to review, but books are better anyways. :)

Do You Need a Translator?

Favorite Song(s) of the week:


Favorite Quote(s) of the week:
"I like your dedication."
"Do you not understand me? Do you speak English? Do you need a translator?" - a guy to me. Actually, he just wasn't understanding my English.

Favorite thing done this week:
Finished my book and spending time with friends

Favorite show/movie of week:
Again, mostly just watched my workout videos

Favorite thing read:
Legendary by Stephanie Garber

Favorite event:
Planning the weekend with my girls
Watching the city band with my friend and puppy

Most inspired moment:
Looking at different online universities and trying to find the best one for me

Thought(s)/Epiphany (ies) of the week:
I'm tired of being lonely at night. 
I must start taking night classes, but do I have the time?

Weirdest dream:
I can't remember any from this week. I loosely remember one where a group of people were standing in a circle and walking towards me. It felt quite threatening. And then it was gone. 

Husband Hunt

Physical: I am skipping leg day today. I'll just push everything back. I went for extra long walks tonight and I'm already 400 less than my goal intake for the day. My body honestly needs sleep more than another workout right now.  Plus, I'm feeling pretty blue that for practically a month I have been eating a reduced calorie diet and working out...I'm sitting around a 3 lb weight loss.

My lab results had come back last Saturday. I specifically asked them to test for my thyroid function because I'm always tired and seem to gain weight when maintaining a healthy lifestyle. It is very frustrating. When my lab results came back, everything showed in normal range except Alkaline Phosphates. I googled, because of course, google has the answers.  It says reasons for low alkaline phosphates could be: malnutrition, liver issues, or hypothyroidism.  So I called up my doctor.  They said, oh, don't worry about it, everything else is fine. I think I better worry about something linked to poor liver function and malnutrition. My alkaline phosphates were at 16 and normal range was listed in the 30s. I think I may have to probe a little further to see what could be causing this lack of alkaline phosphates.

Relationships: I think I need to start a "Husband Hunt." I'm tired of being lonely. It would be so nice to come home to someone who'd give me a nice big hug and then share my burdens at the end of the day. I love coming home to my dogs; however, they are just big, lovable, completely dependent dogs that need me to care for them.  They need their walks, dinner, cuddles, medicine. It's a big responsibility, but I love them and I wouldn't trade them for any thing.

There are several couples in our neighborhood that walk together every night. Most of them hold hands and walk.  It is so cute.  I want that.

Career:  I started requesting information from Northwestern to take classes to get a Master's in Counseling. I'm nervous about it. I could get my Master's extending out over 12 semesters/6 years. I think 2 classes a semester could be doable. I wonder if I could do winter courses. I don't think I could do additional summer courses. We've been on mandatory overtime at work since mid-June and it will be going until the end of September. I think even adding one class to my plate over the summer months would be too much. We'll see what I decide. There is another online university that offers a Christian Counseling Master's; I want to look into that more too.

Spiritual: Some days, I just wish the Holy Spirit would just take over my body and handle some of this hard stuff for me. Like: "can you just take that pain away already? I'd like to be over it now," or "can you just tell me what I'm supposed to do here, that would be helpful?" I know the Holy Spirit cries out the prayer of my heart to my loving Jesus, even when my lips fail to have the words to pray. Thank you Holy Spirit for having my back.

You Should Give a Sip!

There are some very distressing things that come out of our convenience culture. Being a Christ follower, we have a responsibility to take care of the earth that our God created!  Plastic anything has a horrible effect on our waterways. I walked the beaches in Puerto Rico picking up plastic laundry cartons, water bottles, plastic bags, and numerous other junk items. If we junk our oceans and waterways, we ruin our whole planet and our selves. Just take a look at this video.


There are so many things you can exchange out for reusable items. Simple changes, like a reusable water bottle, reusable cutlery, reusable laundry balls (something like crystal wash or wool dryer balls). Another big plastic waste is drinking straws. Cutting back on fast food is already a great way to limit straw usage. Some things you just can't drink without a straw; who wants a root beer float without a straw? There are reusable water bottles with straws (my favorite one I got from State Fair last year) abut there are also plenty of reusable/biodegradable options. If you take the pledge to ditch plastic straws as giveasip.us they'll send you a free reusable straw. There are also a lot of options on Amazon or in stores; you can get paper straws!

You can also talk to your legislators about ditching plastic single use items like shopping bags and straws! New York is working on passing laws to ditch the straw. Even if you don't take the pledge, just being more conscious of what we use and discard that isn't made of materials that degrade in the same decade or century they were used once, can make a big difference.